come closer i will rip you to shreds

come closer i will rip you to shreds

MONDAY, April 7th 2014

fyi - i have also resolved to discuss television.  it's my personal justification for watching SO much of it. so let's being: game of thrones has returned. 

season 4 episode 1 - two swords 

i'm glad to have all my friends back...oh wait...i'm glad to have half of my friends back.  i. am. still. not. over. the. Red. Wedding.  i thought i had had enough time to grieve but, just like sansa in two swords, my heart still aches and i don't want to talk to about it - THAT'S NOT TRUE, it's ALL i want to talk about.  my dreams were murdered.  i foolishly thought arya was going to be reunited with her mother and instead the absolute opposite happened!

after some reflection (sobbing for hours) and the viewing of exactly 3 cosmos episodes i've managed to peek out of the corner of my eye at that massive repressed growing gnawing fear that i carry inside me that we are nothing.  WE - you and me, the human race, we mean nothing.  pale blue dot style.  i know mr. sagan didn't mean this to terrify me - but it does and i'm always running from it throwing people and things behind me to slow it down.  the Red Wedding and my subsequent breakdown was merely a manifestation of my confrontation with it. needless to say, i was not ready.  george rr martin why didn't you have the decency to keep up this fragile charade!  

now -- season 4 episode 1 later -- i'm still left grappling with that feeling, that empty feeling, that vast terrifying empty feeling that nothing will ever be ok and everything means nothing...dear god i just turned this into a livejournal.

BRIGHTERnotes:

- i did _love_ that yellow starburst robe that oberyn marte was donning - the manly fop!

- i cannot wait to see sansa and tyrion's first sexual encounter, cause this is GoT and sex/rape/babies/heirs must be had (more on that later)

- who is excited for this royal wedding?! i am!
- jamie, poor guy, just got dumped on this episode...by his sister/lover & king/nephew/son.  brightside: a golden hand & bad hair cut is better than no hand & a bad haircut.

ps remember gmork? servant to the nothing (ref. the neverending story) because i do.