Saturday, October 10, 2015

SOA Dolla Bills

SOA Dolla Bills
SATURDAY, October 10th 2015

what did sons of anarchy spend their seven season's of budgets on?  i have a few ideas: daily tattoo application, gunshot wounds, leather, belts to be worn exclusively over the shirt, charlie hunnam's salary (since he was such a success in pacific rim and NO i'm not being sarcastic - i legit loved that movie) and, oh yeah, going to "ireland" _must_ have drained some resources as well.

also, WHAT IS RACHEL MENKENS DOING IN THIS SHOW?!?! and is ron perlman a good actor? or do we all just love him for him?  hey man, i voted for hand of god

i have three seasons to go, lets see if i make it.  who am i kidding...of course i'll make it, i was born to  ride watch tv.


Friday, September 25, 2015

introvert: HTGAWM edition

introvert: HTGAWM edition
FRIDAY, September 25th 2015

annalise keating taking her students to a club and dancing with them feels WAY more inappropriate than her helping them cover up a murder.  yep.






Wednesday, July 15, 2015

the vinci massacre

the vinci massacre
WEDNESDAY, July 15th 2015

finally.  something exciting and not dumb happened on true detective this season and it was the last fifteen minutes of down will come.  just when i had vowed to give up on the show (well not really, my tolerance for horrible tv is divine) if i was subjected to _another_ insulting scene between vince vaughn and his wife about getting pregnant their philosophies on having children - kill me - i wasn't.  instead, i was offered a giant heap of awesome violence and massacre.  am i that easy? clearly.

up until sunday night's stunt the best things about true detective were: the depressing lounge singer, the below image from the credits and the teaser for the leftovers.  and, well, i do like seeing that tim riggins is employable. here's hoping the show gets better AKA vince vaughn's character dies and i never have to hear him deliver a line again.


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

the tribe: a nightmarish ballet

the tribe: a nightmarish ballet
WEDNESDAY, July 8th 2015

SPOILERS.  
DO NOT READ THIS.  
JUST GO SEE THE MOVIE.


are you the type of person who always locks their car door?  their house door? the type that thinks the old man walking behind you is faking his limp and is really there to nab your purse or WORSE kidnap you and rape you?  what about that harmless group of 16 year old kids hanging out - no...lingering at the mall?  obviously, they plan to follow you to your car and kill you right? duh. well, that's me.  and The Tribe did nothing to assuage my fears, in fact, it confirmed them ALL and gave me new even darker ones to obsess over.  despite all of this everyone needs to go see it.  it is unlike anything you have ever experienced...film wise...I don't know you, maybe you've had an at home abortion or maybe you like to prostitute yourself at truck stops on weekends, I don't know.  anyway.

the entire film is in sign language with no subtitles, did you hear me? NO SUBTITLES.  it's about a TRIBE of the scariest most intense teenagers in a ukrainian boarding school for the deaf doing the most horrific things you can imagine.  apparently, ex-crime reporter and first time feature director myroslay slaboshipytskiy set out to make a "new silent film," which he did, oh yes, he did.  the story is based on things that he himself had either experienced or reported on - meaning that the whole movie is NOT his colorful imagination.  teens do this shit in ukraine.  again, confirming all my fears about humanity.  you are not safe.  people will hurt you.  trust no one. 

now, that being said, seeing past all the gruesome violence of this film, is actually the amazing part. i literally had no idea what anyone was saying to each other...but i did.  this movie was private to me.   i became the writer in some sense, not of the overall plot but of the moments, of the dialogue exchanged.  i projected hopes and dreams and motivations on everyone via body language.  i tried desperately to understand all these characters and i wasn't alone - but i was alone.  days later, i think about what other audience members were experiencing: what did their movie look like? what were they writing?  

it was a very introspective experience and a huge lesson.  never underestimate your audience.   our minds are amazing things and this film smashed mine wide open with the nightstand next to my bed.  also. never go to ukraine.  never never never.  people will attack and beat you unconscious on the train.  but do go see this movie.  see this movie.   let your brain roll.  go see this "nightmarish ballet."

Monday, June 8, 2015

pretentious art films from the 80s

pretentious art films from the 80s
MONDAY, June 8th 2015

“every director who comes to the show gets the same lecture,” says fuller (showrunner/creator of hannibal). “we are not making television. we are making a pretentious art film from the 80s.”

primavera, episode 2, season 3 of hannibal, finally welcomed will graham back to the silver screen, clarified some hanging questions about the end of season 2 and to my complete and utter surprise showcased one of the most intensely romantic scenes i've ever seen. anywhere. ever.  it was enrapturing.  i was enraptured.  and i think i might have started to cry.  will and hannibal share a love and understanding of each other that i will never experience.  they KNOW, literally, they KNOW each other's soul.  they are my new relationship aspiration.

hannibal slices will's stomach, then holds him close as he begins to bleed out.  they cling together.  they cling together.  hannibal gently guides will to the floor.

Hannibal: Now you know me.  See me. 



Friday, June 5, 2015

meta reality

meta reality
FRIDAY, June 5th 2015


i'm a massive teen mom fan (all the seasons - despite the negative ramifications on my soul).  so you can imagine how fucking _elated_ i was to see that the original girls were coming back for another season.  another season, that unexpectedly & deeply satisfied my voyeur within in a whole new way.  the new season of teen mom og acknowledges what the show actually is -- NO i don't mean a trashy exploitative waste of my life -- I MEAN a reality show.  for the first time the cameras, camera people and producers are being incorporated on screen.  it's a new level of reality, it's meta reality.  the producers are my new favorite characters.  which leads me to...

is reality finally dying? do the masses (me and all the other 16 year old girls in america) finally want to know the truth? is the jig up? are we getting smarter?  WE ARE.  at least...i choose to believe we are and this new "meta reality" show proves it.   it's the genre's way of trying to save itself from obsoletion. bravo teen mom og.  bravo morgan j. freeman, dia sokol savage and lauren dolgen!  you aren't just names on hand drawn credits anymore. you are stars (sorta).  you strut your ability to herd and manipulate hormonal teen moms with all sorts of issues at all costs to make a great show!  or wait...no this is all horrible.

cut to: unreal.

following suit i just watched the pilot of lifetime's unreal and LOVED IT.  it's the best pilot i've seen in years.  the premise is: the life of a freelance reality producer (see dia sokol and lauren dolgen above) strutting her ability to herd and manipulate hormonal adult women with all sorts of issues at all costs to make a great dating competition show.  now, because this show IS scripted one of the pilot's themes is the negative ramifications on the soul of said manipulators, played by the shining star shiri appleby.   _thank god_ i follow the careers of all the roswell actors otherwise i would never have known anything about this show. go watch it.  and full circle, being majorly obsessed with a wb show as a teen DOES pay off...it distracts you from getting pregnant and starring in teen mom.  you're welcome parents.


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

for your consideration

for your consideration
TUESDAY, June 2nd 2015

it's emmy campaign season here in la and i feel, very powerfully, that someone is being overlooked: scorpions.  capable of massive range, they are giving some of the most memorable performances of the season.  

best comedic performance in a series: scorpion as SCORPION, orphan black.  
best dramatic performance in series: scorpion as SCORPION, penny dreadful.   

sag = scorpion actors guild.  i suppose we should have seen this total screen domination coming when the scorpion upstaged robin williams in shelley duvall's faerie tale theatre: the frog prince.  yes, that is teri garr in bed with robin williams dressed as a frog fencing a scorpion.  yes, yes, it is.



i fucking hate scorpions.

Monday, April 27, 2015

pete campbell said "poop"


pete campbell said "poop"
MONDAY, April 27th 2015

the last most cherished season of mad men is a slog for me.  it's the last thing we used to do together that exists in the whole world!!!  i can't wait for it to be over....but i never want it to end.  what a fucking metaphor.  anyway.  i'm losing the battle. i'll never fall in love again and i'll never be successful.

mad men time & life made me laugh out loud all alone (see above) so many times.  so many poop jokes surrounded pete.  he even SAID "poop" out loud on screen.  it was marvelous.  this was his episode.  runner up was ted chaough - his face when pharmaceuticals was gifted to him in the meeting with mccann was priceless.  oh yeah.  peggy had a poignant moment with stan, the "oh wait! we gotta wrap up peggy's baby story for the audience, make them feel safe and warm and happy" moment.  which is rare for the show - audience condescension isn't really their bag.   elizabeth moss has never looked better.

my life is the ending of this episode.  me trying to tell myself (the evacuating audience) that "this isn't the end.  it's the beginning of something new."  yeah right.  fuck.  i miss diana.  so much.


Saturday, April 25, 2015

i'm hungry

i'm hungry 
SATURDAY, April 25th 2015

you guuuuuuuuyyyysssssssss when does hannibal come back?  i miss this black stag guy and NO i don't mean morpheus.  jesus...but i do miss him too.  wait did he die? see! it's been sooooooooo long i don't even remember what happened at the end of season 2.  bryan fuller COM'ON!



Monday, April 20, 2015

sticky fingers

sticky fingers
MONDAY, April 20th 2015



the forecast was a weird one for me.  i tend not to like it when i can feel the creator's sticky little paw prints all over an episode.  this one felt like matt weiner the middle aged white man exploring his own life and imminent crisis.  it also didn't help that his son made a reappearance.  i realize how hypocritical it is for me to be critical of this because so much of why i LOVE this show is because of matt weiner....so i can't quite figure it out.  maybe i just hate the plight of the middle aged white male and last night they laid it on thick.

BaBAM though, hunky charlie weiner.  i feel like he begged his dad to let him come on the show one more time so america could see his transformation from pudgy weirdo to young joaquin phoenix.  the scene between betty, sally and him was one of the weirdest and worst acted things i've ever seen BUT i loved it.  so clunky, so good.  it's a style unique to mad men.

peggy's moment with don discussing the future was incredible.  she is so clear and focused and driven.  i envy her until i remember the price she paid for it all.  the price joan paid for her life has seemingly made her boring and bitter (too harsh?).  she has been sour this entire season.  she's lost the flirty "joan gets her way" charm, rightfully so, she's fucking rich now she doesn't have to put up with all that male bullshit anymore - oh wait - she still does...she's like a deflating ballon with a chip on its' shoulder.  i want happiness for her as well.  i'm disappointed she's finding it in a man in a leisure suit.  

Notes:

- burst out laughing with the peon tried to deliver don's joke to the client.  how come people don't get it?  pete gets it.  pete GETS don.
- the fact that they haven't changed joan's living room color the entire series has worn me down.  i want a salmon colored living room.
- ken is so depressing now.  i almost hate him.  it makes me sad.

Monday, April 13, 2015

diana diana diana

diana diana diana
MONDAY, April 13th 2015



aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhadkjcnaslkmejwfoelsk dear god! i know _really_ eloquent critical thinking happening right here.  new business might be my favorite episode of mad men ever.  matt weiner went into my brain, mined my deepest desires then went beyond and gave me things i didn't even know i wanted.  jesus h christ.

last night's episode was RIVETING.  don and diana.  diana.  diana.  i'm already a sucker for broken female characters who leave their children (like i said matt weiner went into my brain) but this was just brilliant.  diana's plot line is the perfect manifestation of what don is doing and has been doing all series long.  she is stuck - except she is _not_ hiding it from herself.  she acknowledges and lives in her pain, unwilling to let go.  she is honest.  don is STUCK too - except he tricks himself into thinking he isn't.  he runs from his pain so aggressively and blindly that he constantly leaves ruined people in his wake (ahem megan, which is why this episode coupled so perfectly with her goodbye).   diana held up a mirror to don and he was befuddled.  she won't run and he's too old to be running.  

i fear we won't see diana again.  which kills me - cause i'm like don.  i like to run.  i want them to be rescued, i want them to make each other whole.  but i'll settle for the dull deep ache of knowing that everything was possible and nothing was possible.  those are embers that can keep one going for years.

Notes:

- oh roger.  i forgive you because i just can't not.  that mustache.
- gross.  harry crane.  we all fucking knew you were a skeezbag, now we have proof.
- i live for the car rides.  the production quality is so shitty which only highlights how powerful the content is.  no horrible greenscreen can bring them down!
-  1 million dollars in 1970 is the equivalent of 6.1 million today. holy fuck.  don't feel so bad for megan any more. nope. nope. nope.
- diana is def wearing a crashdown (roswell) uniform.  i love when my favorite shows collide...even if only in my mind.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

#dondreamsofdeadwomen

#dondreamsofdeadwomen
TUESDAY, April 7th 2015



mad men mad men.  you are bleak.  i get it - people are generally unhappy and we trick ourselves into thinking we'll grow out of it.  that one day we'll achieve our goals.  that one day i won't be unhappy anymore - everything will fix itself.   but you won't and it doesn't.  mad men proves it.  don hasn't changed.  that. is. all. there. is. soooooo thanks for that.

it also scares me seeing rachel menkens in the final season's opener.  i've always believed their relationship was the first and reddest red flag that don _is_ impulsive and motivated purely by keeping that pesky hole (well really more of a sand through sieve thing) in his heart/life filled.  chasing the possibility of "happiness" AT ALL COSTS...which could be right off a building.  can you see why seeing rachel _now_ makes me nervous?!?! especially a dead rachel.  ugh.  but i mean obviously i don't think that's what will happen (right?!).  all kidding aside death is all around don.  he has an eerily calm relationship with it that has cracked veneer written all over it.  but for now his curse seems to be to live unchanged.

Notes:

- MUSTACHES!!!!
- i'm glad we found peggy almost going to paris instead of crying on the floor alone in her apartment.
- i miss the la office.




Monday, April 6, 2015

file created 6/14/13

file created 6/14/13
MONDAY, April 6th 2015

guys.  this is important and a bit cheesy.  i wrote this two years ago and now the final episodes are upon us.  think about it.

"As I lay on the beach listening to the New Yorker Out Loud podcast I hear Emily Nussbaum nonchalantly utter something: 

I have to say it’s a little bit weird watching a show where I feel like people will be disappointed if the main character doesn’t commit suicide at the end.

Record scratch.  I sat straight up in the sand, removed my hat, turned to my boyfriend and said, “WHAT?!”  This could not be right.  Who thought that?  Who are these “disappointed people” she was talking about.  Don committing suicide had never crossed my mind with concern to the series finale – fuck, in concern with anything at all EVER.

I couldn’t lay back down and enjoy the sun, I was bothered.   Why did she think that?  Then, as I looked out to the sea, the knowledge washed over me: Santa isn’t real and Don is going to kill himself.  The opening credits feature a man (Don) falling down the side of a building!  How obvious it was and how blinded I had been.

The credits of course are the most obvious "clue" but going back and reviewing the series they are littered throughout.  A scene in season five where Don finds himself peering down an open elevator shaft, pausing, and contemplating.   Don’s enthused Hawaii campaign with the disappearing man that reeks of suicide.  A coded line casually delivered by all characters hinting at the subject.  Meghan says to Don “You can jump from the balcony and fly to work.  Like Superman.”  But of course we all know that Don, especially season six Don, is not Superman and would fall to his death. 

Season six has a particular melancholic tone to it.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that was until I returned to the first season.  In season one there is hope and excitement and even passion.  Now, a sadness permeates the show, all of a sudden fives seasons later we finally realize the slow erosion of Don.  Don has become a severely depressed individual obsessed with death.  With this in mind it’s hard to watch the man America fell in love with be so disappointing and blind to his own affliction. 

Death surrounds Don: his brother kills himself, Lane Pryce kills himself, Don kills his mother in birth, Don sees his father killed by a horse, Don “kills” Dick Whitman (his own identity) in Korea.   Don is also impulsive.  He begs Rachel Menkens to run away with him (ON TOP OF A ROOF!!) and he means it, he’s done it before.  Family means nothing to him.  He marries Meghan on a fevered whim.  Even his decision to switch dogtags with Don is in the moment.  He is constantly looking for immediate ways to change his life, to distract him from his own emptiness. As a viewer, season to season, I watch him make these rash impulsive decisions and foolishly hope each one will bring him happiness.  But the newness wears off, distraction fades, and he is again searching to fill the void.  Don is impulsive and does not fear death.  He would confidently step off a building if he thought it would fulfill him.

Ultimately, how difficult can it be to die when you have already killed yourself?"

BOOM! and why, hello rachel menkens final season opener...hello.  you make me very nervous.



Friday, March 13, 2015

last five years

last five years
FRIDAY, March 13 2015

i finally ramped up enough enthusiasm to watch the last five years to outweigh my fear of the soul crushing depression i would fall into after watching it.  good news everyone - it wasn't successful.  the material lost so much meat in the translation from stage to film.  it's clear that well intentioned richard lagravenese didn't know how to handle jason robert brown's piece.  usually (onstage) all, but one, of the songs are performed alone... understandably this doesn't work for film so lagravenese force's us to watch one actor perform their little heart out and the other buzz around awkwardly like a annoying gnat.  it is utterly deflating.  in all fairness this worked once - the schmuel song.

other than that anna kendrick is a star.  the other guy - exactly - was a let down.  jamie has some of my favorite songs and i didn't care one ounce for them.  it's the first time i've _wanted_ to see norbert leo grace the silver screen.  anna kendrick stole the show.  i would say "don't waste your time" but i mean....don't?

woah - scott tobias and i are literally the same person.  except...he is a better writer, ok!? I KNOW! i'm not totally delusional.  jesus gimmie a break guys.  READ his review.



Saturday, March 7, 2015

true love

true love
SATURDAY, March 7 2015

i love mad men so much that i let them put me on camera with no blush.  enjoy world.




Monday, March 2, 2015

everyone is coming home

everyone is coming home
MONDAY, March 2nd 2015

april, you glorious month: mad men 4.5, rhony 4.7, game of thrones 4.12, veep 4.12, outlander & spring.  forget about my failed relationship's would be 5 year anniversary and my ex's birthday....i have bethenney frankel and the last season of mad men EVER to fill the void.  why must all things end matt weiner???!!! TELL ME WHY?!?!



Saturday, February 28, 2015

perspective: 13 vs. 30

perspective: 13 vs. 30
SATURDAY, February 28th 2015


i just turned 30 - and i have never felt more like....ross.

"just a sandwich?! i'm 30 years old, i'm about to be divorced twice, i just got evicted.  that sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life.  someone ate the only good thing going on in my life."

how did this happen?


Sunday, February 22, 2015

end of an era

end of an era
SUNDAY, February 22 2015

peggy is a fucking lady.  the ladiest of the ladies putting all the ladies to shame.



Friday, May 23, 2014

revenge

revenge
FRIDAY, May 23 2014

i just binged on the third season of revenge.  it only took me three days - to be clear that is twenty two episodes in three days.  twenty hours of tv in seventy two hours.  i may not be in the best place in my life.  regardless, i'm taking pride in my accomplishment - it was quite a feat.

as i rounded episode 20, 21 & 22 i realized how impressive it was for a show with such constant high stakes and ludicrous antics to string me along for twenty two hours. why god? why?  some/most of the show's plot twists and turns are exhausting and annoying -- revenge's only saving grace is its blatant unapologetic dramatics and cheesiness...and madeline stowe, more on that later.  it's all eye roll worthy.  

revenge is a trashy soap opera underneath the facade of madeline stowe.  who, by the way, looks amazing.  the star of last of the mohicans is remarkably talented at crying, looking shocked, masking all her lies, looking hateful, pretending to kill someone, actually killing someone, having multiple affairs, having multiple children from different fathers and breaking the news to said children, spewing venom, trying to be murdered, looking scorned, looking heart broken, having rape flashbacks, the list goes one.  she just takes my breath away.

so go watch revenge...or don't and just rent last of the mohicans it's basically the same.  I WILL FIND YOU!  I WILL FIND YOU!   

this is my best emily thorne/amanda clarke in action look.  enjoy.





Friday, April 18, 2014

water water everywhere

water water everywhere
FRIDAY, April 18th 2014

i _know_ i shouldn't complain but monday through thursday is a tv drought!  especially when shows that air wednesday (ahem ahem nashville) take a week off.  i should clarify that i don't actually have live tv.  this always leaves me a day behind everything and, aside from the occasional annoyance (like missing award shows), i don't think i would change it.  i find pride and pleasure in sticking it to the cable conglomerates knowing one day all channels will be available through online subscription --- i have a right to choose what channels i pay for!   ...even though i don't pay for most of my tv subscriptions: my boyfriend has amazon prime tv, my parents set us up with their hbogo & netflix account & i shell out 7.99 a month for hulu plus.  that about has us covered.  

trying to channel scarlet o'connor again in my outfit.




clothing:

dress, free people